


Let's Stay Together

by L_aryy



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Age Difference, M/M, Mutual Pining, Spirits, Young Katsuki Yuuri, hotarubi no Mori e - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-18
Updated: 2017-08-24
Packaged: 2018-12-16 20:48:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,624
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11836779
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/L_aryy/pseuds/L_aryy
Summary: A Hotarubi no Mori e AU where Yuuri meets a strange being wearing a poodle mask. Friendship soon turns into something more but how much of a relationship can they have if as soon as they touch, one of them will disappear?





	1. The Boy in the Forest

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by all of the official art of Viktor "must-always-have-physical-contact-with-my-fiance-Yuuri-Katsuki" Nikiforov

Yuuri knew three things.

One, triple axels were hard.

Two, he was hungry and he would like some of his mom’s katsudon, please and thank you.

Three, he loved ice skating.

Okay, 3.5. He didn’t like falling on the ice. But other than that, ice skating was amazing.

There was something about tying a pair of ice skates, adjusting the laces until it was just the right amount of tightness. Yuuri loved the half a second of slipping, of not knowing if he would be able to balance, when his blades first touch ice. He loved the scraping sound the ice made when he skidded to a stop. He loved the brief moment of silence from the second he threw himself into a jump, the flash of uncertainty of whether or not he would land or not, and the spark of elation he felt when he did.

The spark didn’t happen often but when it did, Yuuri couldn’t help but let out a whoop.

A few weeks ago, after being relentlessly teased by Takeshi’s taunts about his round tummy and how he would never be able to skate half as beautifully as his friend Yuuko, Yuuri had run off, snatching up his skates. He had tuned out Yuuko’s yells and ran.

He didn’t know where he was headed towards. All he wanted was to be alone.

And so he had arrived at this forest.

He had only been there once before, with his sister Mari. Mari had tried to scare him, talking about _yokais_ and other spirits that lurked about the forest. Yuuri had peered in, disbelieving of what his sister had said. All he saw were huge trees that looked like the most violent thing they’ve ever done was drop an acorn. Mari had screamed out “Boo!” and Yuuri sprinted back home, tears running down his face.

His mother had forbidden the two of them to return to the forest.

Yuuri had had half a mind to turn back but he forgot where he had come from. After multiple wrong turns, he had arrived at this lake.

‘Lake’ might have been stretching it. It was just an unusually large pond that had frozen over. But Yuuri had fallen in love with it. And he kept coming here ever since.

As Yuuri twirled and leapt and spun now, he lost himself in the music that only he heard. 

He didn’t notice that he was being watched.

-

By the time night fell, Yuuri knew three things.

One, triple axels were hard. The bruises on his backside were evidence.

Two, he was hungry and all he wanted was his mom’s extra large serving of katsudon.

Three, he was unquestionably, irrevocably lost.

This was only the fifth time he had been in this forest but he had never stayed this long. To make matters worse, it had started snowing again.

“I saw you before.” Yuuri said, jabbing a stubby little finger at the tree. It must have been the third time that he has passed it. The tree neither confirmed nor denied it.

His stomach gave a growl. Groaning, Yuuri sunk to his knees, clutching his tummy. He was so hungry. All he wanted was a bowl of hot rice with crispy pork cutlet wrapped in silky egg…he could practically taste it. Yuuri let out a small whimper.

“Why are you crying?” a voice asked.

“I’m not crying.” Yuuri said instinctively. Then he realized.

Head jerking up so fast that he nearly breaks his neck, Yuuri turned around and scanned the white forest. At first, he couldn’t see a thing except snow flurries and the gust of air that billowed out of his mouth but something caught his eye.

A figure. Standing a couple feet away. Yuuri barely registered the fact that there was something odd about the stranger. That his face didn’t look quite human. That his hair was silver. It didn’t matter. He only cared that someone was there. Yuuri jumped to his feet and barrelled towards the figure.

“It’s a person!” he cried, arms outstretched. “I’m saved!”

There was a startled yelp and before Yuuri knew it, he was landing face-first in the snow. His mouth was instantly filled with cold. He couldn’t feel his teeth. He shoved himself upright.

“Hey!” Yuuri yelled. His mouth dropped open.

The figure loomed above him, dressed in a green yukata. Yuuri wondered briefly how he could stand to wear that when it was _winter_ and the snow was falling heavier than before. Then his eyes locked onto the face. Because his face was…it was…

“S-sorry,” Poodle Mask said. He looked a bit like Yuuri’s poodle. He didn’t sound like it though: he sounded like a young boy, maybe a couple of years older than Yuuri. “But…you’re a human child, right?”

Poodle Mask crouched down until they were eye-level, still a safe distance away. His voice dropped. “If a human touches me, I’ll disappear.”

“You’re not…” Yuuri hesitated. “You’re not human?”

The stranger shook his head and sat down, seemingly unbothered by the fact that he was sitting in snow. “I’m…something that lives in the forest.”

“You must be one of the _yokai_ then!” Yuuri said. His brow furrowed. “What do you mean ’disappear’?”

Poodle Mask didn’t respond. Yuuri scrutinized him closely but he couldn’t discern any change in expression from his face.

Yuuri reached out, curious but only grabbed air as the stranger scrambled to his feet. Jaw squared, Yuuri chased after him, small hands stretching to touch this strange person. With his long legs, the boy managed to evade Yuuri but Yuuri was young and had the stubbornness and determination of a blooming athlete. At one point, Poodle Mask stumbled and Yuuri _nearly—_ his fingers almost grazed his yukata—managed to catch him but he pulled away. 

Poodle Mask’s arms went to his back and Yuuri’s heart leapt, thinking that he was conceding defeat. Yuuri reached out. _Almost there._

Before he knew it, everything turned dark.

-

“You’re not human at all,” Yuuri pouted as he rubbed at the newfound bump on his head. He wasn’t bleeding but it still hurt. Poodle Mask didn’t look like he had moved an inch from where Yuuri last remembered, but he was crouched down now. He still hadn’t removed his mask but there was an apologetic tilt to his head. “No human would hit a child like that.”

Poodle Mask didn’t say anything for a moment.

“To disappear means forever.” he finally said, voice quiet. Yuuri looked up. “If a human touches me, it means the end. That was the spell the mountain god did when he found me.”

Yuuri bit his lip. The gravity of the situation suddenly hit him. His stomach felt queasy. He bowed his head. “I-I’m sorry.”

“You didn’t know.” Poodle Mask said. “It’s alright.”

Yuuri didn’t raise his head, afraid. Something came into his periphery. It was the branch that Poodle Mask had used to hit Yuuri. Yuuri eyed it warily.

“You’re lost right?” his voice was gentle. “I’ll take you back outside. Just…just grab onto the other end.”

Immediately, his eyes filled with tears. At this beautiful boy who kept a secret but was insurmountably kind. Who didn’t laugh at Yuuri. Who wanted to help Yuuri.

“Thank you!” he threw his arms out. 

He got whacked again.

“I’m sorry!” Yuuri said as he clutched his head. He had gotten hit in the exact same place again. “I-I forgot…”

“Don't do that again!” Poodle Mask gasped, one hand gripping the branch in a defensive stance, the other on his chest. “You almost…ugh!” 

To anyone, the two must have looked like a strange pair. One a child gripping a pair of worn skates, the other barely a man, holding a stick together but Yuuri didn’t mind. He swung the branch slightly, humming. The snow covered much of the pathway, making the road back home more treacherous. His feet sunk unexpectedly into holes but Poodle Mask always managed to get him out of there by tugging on the branch.

"My name is Yuuri Katsuki,” Yuuri said brightly. "What's yours?”

Instead of answering, Poodle Mask asked him another question. “You’re not afraid?” he asked.

Yuuri frowned. “Of what?”

Poodle Mask regarded him. Despite only spending a few minutes with him, Yuuri had already began to detect some shifts in his mood. Like now, Yuuri could tell he was a little sad. He didn’t know why though.

“Never mind.”

They walked in silence after that.

Soon, they arrived at the familiar gate that marked the entrance of the forest with various signs warning people to stay away. Some of the Japanese characters were obscured by the snow. 

“If you walk straight down, you’ll get back to Hasetsu.” Poodle Mask said. It was clearly a dismissal.

Yuuri smiled and bowed, running down but after a few steps, he turned back around. “If-If I come back here, will I see you again?” he asked, shy.

A sudden cold wind blew past, making Yuuri shiver. 

“This forest is for the mountain god and _yokai.”_ Poodle Mask said. “If you come back again, you'll never get out.”

Shadows cast across Poodle Mask’s face, turning the brown eyes empty and creating hollows where they had never appeared before. 

Yuuri swallowed. “A-Anyway, I'm gonna come back tomorrow with a thank-you present. You like katsudon right? My mom makes the best katsudon ever and I eat it all the time!” He was babbling. He should go. He should go and bury himself in his bed. Yuuri turned tail and ran, hoping that Poodle Mask wasn’t laughing at him. He heard something. So quiet it sounded like it came as an afterthought. Like he hadn’t expected he would ever say something like this.

“It’s Viktor.”

Yuuri whipped around to face an empty gate. It was like there had never been anyone there. The only disturbance was that the sign was now free of snow.

“Bye Viktor!” Yuuri yelled, waving at nothing. “I’ll see you tomorrow!”


	2. Under the Big Sky with You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yuuri starts to have too many confusing feelings.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's chapter 2. Yuuri's 7 at the beginning of the chapter, and 12 by the end. Please enjoy!

“Here!” Yuuri deposited the picnic basket into Viktor’s lap. “Katsudon!”

Viktor looked up at Yuuri, surprise palpable even through the mask. “You…”

“I promised, didn’t I?” he said, smiling as he plopped down beside him. He tried not to feel hurt as Viktor shuffled away until there was a few feet between them. It wasn’t because of Yuuri, he reminded himself. Viktor unwrapped the plastic, staring at the delicate array of pork cutlets and peas on the bed of steaming rice. 

He didn’t say anything for so long that Yuuri started wriggling.

“It’s…you don’t have to eat it if you don’t want to.” Yuuri said, a blush creeping to his cheeks. “Here, lemme just…”

“I’ll eat it!” Viktor said, too loudly. He brought the bowl close to his chest as if Yuuri was going to snatch it out of his hands. Lifting the corner of his mask to reveal his mouth, Viktor began eating. Mesmerized, Yuuri watched. This was the most he had ever seen of Viktor’s real face. His skin was pale, jaw sharp. Pink lips. Pink lips that cried out “Vkusno!” in a delighted voice.

“What does that mean?” Yuuri asked, curious.

A slight flush dusted over his cheeks. “Um, it means ‘delicious’. In Russian.”

“You’re Russian?” Yuuri gasped.

The mask came back on. Viktor carefully put the bowl back into the basket. “Thank you for the meal,” he said. “But I think I should take you home now.”

“Wait!” he panicked. “Can I…can I come back tomorrow?” 

The boy paused. For a terrible moment, Yuuri thought he was going to reject him outright. After all, who wanted a fat little boy tagging around? Especially one who couldn’t seem to say the right things. But to his surprise, Viktor offered the stick out to Yuuri, face turned in the opposite direction. There was a hint of red to his ears.

Yuuri grabbed on tight.

-

It continued on like this. Yuuri came to the forest every day where Viktor would be waiting for him at the gate. Viktor would hold out the branch, leaving it up to Yuuri to take it or not. Yuuri did. He always did.

They spent most of the time at the pond where Yuuri would practice his spins. Viktor acted the part of the perfect audience member: clapping and cheering whenever Yuuri did a jump or executed a step sequence perfectly, and making small groans when Yuuri fell. Strangely, Yuuri didn’t mind somebody other than Yuuko watching him skate. 

Yuuri chattered about his home. He talked about how the onsen business was booming because of the cold weather. He bemoaned the fact that Mari always teased him and he was often left to do the chores at the inn. He showed Viktor pictures of his poodle Vicchan, giggling about how similar the two were. 

Viktor didn’t talk much. He laughed a lot and added his own little quips. He even teased Yuuri about Vicchan, saying he must have named him after he had met Viktor. Yuuri could tell when he was smiling, even behind the mask. But he rarely talked about himself. Yuuri didn’t push him.

Yuuri brought him food all the time. He still wasn’t sure what Viktor was because surely, spirits couldn’t eat human food, right? But he scarfed down whatever Yuuri shyly gave to him that day, complimenting the food in between mouthfuls. And Viktor didn’t look like he was getting sick.

His mother never even questioned it when Yuuri had asked for an extra helping of katsudon. She had simply started frying up another cutlet, humming lightly as she did. “Have fun, Yuuri,” she had said as she helped him put the bowl into the basket. Yuuri wondered if she somehow knew where he scampered off to all of the time.

It had been a week since Yuuri had first arrived at the forest. He had gotten more accustomed to the strange noises that often greeted him. The woods had grown familiar to him, like another Ice Castle.

Yuuri ran up ahead, spotting a tree and promptly climbing it. He scaled it within seconds and waved at Viktor down below. He flipped upside down and hung there by his knees. The branch creaked. 

“Get down, Yuuri!” Viktor called, there was a hint of laughter but he was trying hard to sound disapproving. “You’re going to fall!”

“I have you to catch me!” Viktor’s smile immediately fell. It took Yuuri a few seconds to hear what he had just said. Yuuri pulled himself up, ears red.

“Why do you wear a mask, Viktor?” Yuuri blurted out, hoping that that would somehow drive the tension and awkwardness away. “Are you a No-Face?”

It worked. Viktor laughed quietly. “No.”

“Is it scary?”

“Do you have horns?”

“Is your skin green?”

The questions were half-hearted. Yuuri asked them, not because he expected an answer, but doing so seemed to make Viktor laugh. His whole face (by now, Yuuri had gotten fairly good at reading Viktor’s expressions through the mask) seemed to light up. It was like he transformed into a different person when he let out an uninhibited laugh. And that’s all he wanted. Something seemed to weigh on Viktor all the time, making his smiles, however frequent they may be, seem shallow. Something that Yuuri couldn’t see.

When he did allow himself to imagine Viktor’s face, he couldn’t. All he could see was that ridiculous mask and it sent him into a fit of giggles because no matter how many faces he conjured up to match Viktor’s voice, the poodle face was the one that suited him the most. Being with Viktor was something that couldn’t be added up to a single experience. Sometimes, Yuuri found it difficult to think of the words to describe the array of emotions that he felt when he was with the other boy: happiness and amusement, gentleness and kindness, amongst others.

“What do you want me to be, Yuuri?” Viktor finally asked as the younger boy slowly climbed down from the tree. “When I…if I ever show you my face? A brother? A father figure? Or-or…”

Yuuri frowned. “What do you mean? I want you to be Viktor, of course.”

Yuuri was so focused on disentangling the knot in his skates that he didn’t notice Viktor staring at him. If he turned a little to the side, he would have seen Viktor’s mouth falling open in surprise and awe behind his mask.

They entered the thicker part of the forest where the trees seemed to move closer together like guards. The leaves that rustled sounded like whispers. Warnings. They were not welcome here. No, that wasn’t true. Without thinking, Yuuri moved a little closer to Viktor; Viktor either didn’t notice or didn’t mind. 

 _Yuuri_  wasn’t welcome here.

Suddenly the tree in front of them shook and an arm emerged out of the thicket. The fingers curled into claws, hand wrapping around Viktor. Despite its appearance, its hold was gentle.

“Viktor!” Yuuri cried out. He frantically looked around, thinking he needed another branch to pry the tree’s fingers apart.

“It’s dangerous, Viktor,” the tree spoke. Yuuri started but Viktor was unfazed, gaze steady.“That is a human child. If he touches you, you’ll disappear.”

Me, Yuuri thought, dazed. The tree is talking. About me.

“I know.” Viktor said. “Thank you, Yakov, but I’m fine.”

After a pause, the hand withdrew. The branches creaked like groaning joints as it disappeared back into the leaves.

“Human child,” Yakov the tree spoke to Yuuri. There was an undertone of gruff tenderness and restrained fear in the voice. “Do not touch him. Please.”

“Y-Yes.” 

“Come on, Yuuri.” Viktor said. Yuuri scrambled after him. Spirits started to pop up in the form of hamsters and cats.

“Get the hell away from him, brat!” a cat with yellow fur and green eyes yelled. The cat shot towards Yuuri and skidded right in front of him so that Yuuri was practically cross-eyed trying to meet his eyes. A floating cat. 

“And why are you called Yuuri?” the cat shouted. “There can only be one Yuri!”

“You-you’re…”

“Yuri,” Viktor said warningly.

“What?” the two Yuri’s turned.

Viktor thought for all of two seconds before he amended. “Yurio, don’t—” Whatever he was going to say was drowned out by Yurio’s swearing.

A green and black hamster spirit floated and settled near Yuuri’s shoulder. “Hi!” it said brightly. “My name’s Phichit!”

“Um, Y-Yuuri.” He cringed slightly, awaiting the barrage of threats and warnings that would surely come his way. 

He patted Yuuri’s cheek with a tiny hamster paw. “Don’t break his heart.” he said seriously. From behind Phichit the hamster spirit, Yuuri could see Viktor and Yurio arguing. Yurio’s fur was sticking straight up but Viktor seemed relaxed, like the two were engaged in friendly banter. 

“I just…I wanted a friend.” he said faintly. “But I promise—I _swear—_ I won’t touch him.”

Phichit’s smile was gentle. “That’s not what I mean.”

-

The only times that Yuuri could come by and visit Viktor was during his summer and winter holidays. But even then, he didn’t have much time to spare. Skating was becoming more demanding especially since he had gotten a new coach, a man called Celestino who liked to greet him with “Ciao, ciao!”

An idea settled in his head when he was eleven. He stayed after training with Celestino in the rink, practicing it for hours on end until Yuuko had to drag him out of there. Only Yuuko knew what he was doing and looked half-excited and half-disapproving. He hid the bruises from his parents, massaging his feet at night before collapsing into dreamless sleep. 

In the summer he was training on land. In the winter, on the ice. He was worried that he was boring Viktor but Viktor never seemed to mind, quietly standing on the sidelines as Yuuri jogged around the forest or when he threw himself into a flying camel spin.

There were days, though, that Yuuri could just relax. Those days were the ones that he was most apprehensive about. Training days he had an excuse not to talk: too out of breath. Too exhausted.

Rest days, he couldn’t hide behind his exertion. And he became excruciatingly aware of how awkward he was. How his tummy was too round. How he couldn’t make it through one sentence without stammering. How he still couldn’t land a jump without the blades hitting the ice wrong.

He still wondered why Viktor let Yuuri trail after him during those rest days. He could kind of understand why he might hang around while Yuuri was on the ice: it was a source of entertainment. But he didn’t seem to mind when Yuuri followed him, giving occasional hums as they walked.

-

The winter Yuuri was ten, snow enveloped Hasetsu. In the forest, the snow was beautiful, undisturbed from houses and shops that littered the town. 

After lunch (Yuuri made sure to pack another serving for Phichit and Yurio. Phichit gave him a hug on his face, exclaiming that he wanted to take a picture to post it on his _yokai_ -gram. Yurio called him a pig and said he was only eating the food because he didn’t want Phichit to hog it all), they went for a walk. Viktor in front, Yuuri behind as usual. 

Without warning, Viktor whirled around and the next thing Yuuri knew, he had a face full of snow. 

“Hey!” he yelled, unable to suppress a laugh. He swooped down, quickly making a snowball and threw it at Viktor. It hit him in the shoulder but half a second later, another snowball slammed into his stomach. Yuuri doubled over, crying out.

“Oh my god,” Viktor rushed over. “Oh my god, Yuuri, are you okay?” He hovered above Yuuri, whole body tense. 

Yuuri clutched at his stomach for a few seconds more before screaming “Got you!” The snowball smacked right in the centre of Viktor’s face. He staggered a few steps before falling on his butt. 

“Yuuri!” Viktor yelled, a chuckle undermining his mock-angry tone. “I was worried!”

“Should’ve thought of that first before throwing that snowball!” Yuuri hurried over, a smile spreading across his face. His foot stepped on something. He looked down.

A poodle face smiled at him.

Cold flooded inside him. Movements robotic, Yuuri bent down to pick the mask up, blowing the snow off. He didn’t dare look up. He was only a few feet away from Viktor. Viktor didn’t say anything, obviously coming to the same realization as Yuuri. 

No matter how many times Yuuri teased about seeing Viktor’s face, he had never expected to actually _see_ Viktor’s face. And now he was going to. 

A swell of emotion rose inside of him. Excitement. Anticipation. But most of all, fear.

He wasn’t scared of Viktor. Viktor was his friend. 

But he was scared that as soon as he met his eyes, as soon as he saw Viktor’s face, he would disappear. There had been some protection with the mask between them. Viktor had been more free with his laughter and his words when he had the poodle mask on him. Yuuri wouldn’t be able to stand it if Viktor felt the need to withdraw back into the quiet, cautious boy again.

“Yuuri,” Viktor said. Yuuri averted his eyes, sticking the mask out roughly. 

“I’m-I’m sorry,” the words burst out, tripping over each other. “I didn’t mean to. It…I swear I didn’t see anything.”

“Yuuri,” he said again. “It’s okay.”

Viktor’s voice was soft, gentle. Slowly, Yuuri raised his face.

He didn’t know what he was expecting. He already knew that Viktor wasn’t a monster and weren’t like the other spirits that roamed the first. But it was certainly not this.

A boy’s face.

Viktor was a head taller than Yuuri. He looked like he might be sixteen or seventeen years old. The sun behind him cast his features in a mix of light and shadow. Viktor’s face was thin and angular. His eyes were a light blue—no, a dark blue, Yuuri thought as he tilted his head. His hair was short except for the fringe that covered one of his eyes. His lips were pink and full. 

Yuuri wondered if his mouth was as soft as it looked.

A blush crept up his neck but he couldn’t help noticing that Viktor also looked entranced. Like he had never seen Yuuri before except that wasn’t true. Viktor saw Yuuri all of the time.

The longer Yuuri stared, the more he realized how much he wanted to touch Viktor. To run his fingers through the silvery hair. To touch his cheeks—for science, of course. Yuuri had to make sure that this beautiful boy was real.

It took him a moment to realize that he was probably staring too long at Viktor. It took him another second to notice that he had unconsciously moved towards Viktor and they were the closest they had ever been. Viktor’s eyes had widened, pupils dilating until the blue was only a thin ring.

“Stop staring at each other like that!” a familiar voice yelled. “I’m going to throw up my lunch!”

With a yelp, Yuuri slammed the mask back on to Viktor’s face. By some stroke of luck, he managed not to touch his skin. Viktor stumbled, falling back into the snow again.

“S-Sorry!” On instinct, Yuuri thrust out his hand to help Viktor out. Viktor blinked. Flushing, Yuuri put his hands behind his back.

“I’m fine,” he said. He got to his feet. He rubbed his forehead ruefully. His eyes returned to Yuuri.

“You never stop surprising me, do you?” he asked softly. 

Yuuri didn’t know how to respond to that.

-

Ever since Yuuri had revealed Viktor’s face, Viktor had relaxed around him. Sometimes he took the mask off, shooting Yuuri a shy little smile as he did so. Viktor still put it on when he met Yuuri at the entrance of the forest but as soon as they turned around to head to their usual place, the mask was off, and the heart-shaped smile was on. 

Two years passed. Time was divided into ‘months spent with Viktor’ and ‘months spent without Viktor’. Yuuri grew taller, all of the ice skating training slimming him down. His cheeks lost some of their roundness which Viktor mourned aloud. Viktor never changed. He looked the same as he did the first time Yuuri saw him. 

One day, he dressed extra nicely before heading to the forest. He brought the usual picnic basket with his skates slung over his shoulder. Viktor opened it, mouth already open to exclaim his delight. His eyebrows drew together as he lifted up the piece of cake. It was a sizeable slice, chocolate with glistening fruit adorning the surface.

“Yuuri,” he said. “Is it…”

Yuuri nodded. “I’m twelve today.”

Viktor’s eyes lit up. “Happy birthday!” 

They shared the cake, flicking frosting at each other occasionally. Phichit and Yurio arrived at some point and Yuuri offered some to them. Phichit gobbled up his share and Yurio did as well, after making a half-hearted grumble that they wouldn’t be able to finish the food without his help and he was only doing this out of the goodness of his heart. 

“When’s your birthday?” Yuuri asked. The two spirits had fallen asleep in the basket, utterly stuffed. Yurio yawned and curled up next to Phichit.

Viktor cocked his head. “I don’t know.”

Yuuri frowned. “What do you mean you don’t know? You can’t remember?”

He shook his head. “I really don’t know. Yakov doesn’t either. They just found me one day and took me in. And since I don’t age the same way that you do, I never bothered to find out.”

“But everyone should have a birthday!” he said, shocked. “We should…we should at least celebrate it even if you don’t get older.”

Viktor smiled. “Why don’t you pick then?”

“Pick what?”

“My birthday.” 

For some reason, Yuuri’s face heated up. “Um, I don’t…why me?”

A light blush painted his cheeks. “I want you to. Please?”

Yuuri toed at the snow. “When do you want it to be?”

“Whenever you want.”

Suddenly, Yuuri had a ridiculous fantasy of he and Viktor sitting cross-legged on the floor with light bulbs strung around then like a makeshift canopy. The lights would dance across Viktor’s face, turning him red, purple and yellow. They would exchange gifts and share a sponge cake. There would be a jaunty red hat perched on top of Viktor’s silver hair. 

“December 25,” he heard himself say. 

“Oh?” Viktor teased. “What were you thinking? Your expression changed.”

Yuuri wondered if Viktor was neglecting to tell him about some magical abilities that he had. Because surely, he wasn’t telepathic?

“Yuuuuuri…”

His words were muffled by the forkful of cake Yuuri stuffed into his mouth. Yuuri’s face was completely swallowed in red. 

“I-I want to show you something,” he said as soon as Viktor could breathe. “Um, a present.”

“But it’s your birthday,” Viktor said. “Isn’t it supposed to be the other way around?”

Yuuri couldn’t help smiling. “You can give me a present on _your_ birthday then.” He scurried over to the pond. He heard Viktor follow.

Once he had his ice skates tied, he stepped out onto the ice. He did a few laps to warm up before he situated himself in the centre. He wrapped his arms around his body and closed his eyes.

There was no music but it didn’t matter. Yuuri could hear it all the same. He glided across the ice, skating his step sequence before launching into a triple axel. Distantly, he heard Viktor let out a whoop. He had skated this short program hundreds of times. He could’ve done it in his sleep. 

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Viktor had come closer. Usually, he stood at the sidelines but it was like Yuuri’s skating was compelling him, drawing him in. His feet were on the ice, somehow not slipping even though he wore no skates. His blue eyes were locked on Yuuri.

As he neared the end of his program, Yuuri got ready. He bent his knee, arms aloft. He kicked up with the point of his skate and threw himself into one, two, three, _four_ rotations before he landed. A quad toe loop.

Yuuri opened his mouth, to let out a delighted “Viktor, did you see that?” but something went wrong.

His skate didn’t hit the ice correctly. His balance was off. Yuuri’s arms flailed and he saw Viktor for a split second. In that second, he saw Viktor’s hands shoot out. Getting ready to catch him. 

And for that one moment, Yuuri let himself dream, imagine falling into Viktor's arms. Then he woke up.

Terror jolted through Yuuri and he twisted so that he landed on his other side. He didn’t need to though. Just as quickly as Viktor had reached out to Yuuri, he had yanked his arms back.

The two of them breathed hard. Yuuri slowly pushed himself onto his elbows and knees. His side hurt. His leg throbbed. He didn’t look at Viktor for a long time. Not until he managed to muster up a smile. 

He wished he hadn’t looked up.

Viktor was shaking. His entire body was trembling so badly that he looked like he would topple over. Colour was drained from his face. But what caught Yuuri’s attention were his eyes. They were frenzied. Wild. Unrestrained. He didn’t look like Yuuri’s Viktor. He had changed into the Viktor that belonged to the forest. 

Viktor looked so angry. He didn’t blame him. It was all Yuuri’s fault for trying to do that jump. For putting Viktor in danger. 

“Yuuri,” Viktor’s expression was agonized. “Yuuri, I’m…”

"You must never touch me, Viktor.” he said. The smile on his face trembled. “Never.” He turned away, so Viktor wouldn’t see the tears fall. 

They didn’t speak after that. 

-

Something had changed since Yuuri’s birthday. Viktor didn’t put the mask back on but he was distant. Even when he was with Yuuri, his mind seemed to be occupied elsewhere. He disappeared when Yuuri went onto the ice. And after a while, Yuuri gave up on skating on the pond, choosing to practice when he was back at Ice Castle. He hovered awkwardly beside Viktor, unsure of what to say or do. 

He spent most of his time talking to Phichit or Yurio. Phichit had started to become one of his close friends, able to sense when Yuuri didn’t want to talk and filled the silence up with his chatter. Yurio, on the other hand, didn’t talk much. And when he did, his words were always barbed. The only thing similar between them was the way the two spirits regarded Yuuri, like they weren’t sure what to make of him.

The snow melted and Yuuri had to go back to school. He had never looked forward to it more than he did this year.

Yuuri faced Viktor and bowed his head.

“Goodbye.” Yuuri spoke to his shoes. He made to sprint down the steps.

“Yuuri.” It was the first time Viktor had addressed him by name. Stunned, he looked up. 

He was wearing the mask again. Long fingers toyed with the edges of it. He took a deep breath.

Yuuri meant to wait. Meant to stay quiet to let Viktor speak. It had been so long since they had talked. And he missed his voice. 

But he panicked. He thought Viktor for sure would end their friendship. And he couldn’t stand it. He hated himself for being this weak but he’d rather have Viktor in this way than not at all.

“I’ll see you next summer!” he blurted out. He hurtled down the stairs before he could hear what Viktor had wanted to say.

-

For the first time, Yuuri dreaded summer. He and Viktor hadn’t parted exactly on good terms. Not bad either but their friendship had reverted back to what it had been before. No, that wasn’t it. Even when they had first become friends, this…this tension hadn’t existed. They had acknowledged it but it hadn’t stopped them from joking or eating together.

“I have a question,” Yuuri said to Yuuko as they walked home together. Yuuko’s hair had gotten longer, grazing her waist. Already, she was planning on cutting it chin-length, claiming that it was easier to manage.

“Shoot.”

“I screwed up,” Yuuri said without preamble. “With a…with a friend. I made him…he…” he made a frustrated sound. “He risked his life for me.”

Yuuko’s brows shot up to her bangs. “ _What_?”

“It’s not as serious as it sounds!” he said hastily. “But…but he did. And we can’t go back to being friends anymore. Because of me.”

She was quiet for the next block. 

“Does he like you, Yuuri?”

He spluttered incoherently. Yuuko took it as a yes.

“Do you like him?”

Yuuri’s face turned bright red. He ducked his head.

Did he like Viktor? Of course he did. But he could tell that Yuuko was asking something else. A different kind of ‘like’. Did he like Viktor in that way? His fingers twitched, aching to touch something that he never could.

Yuuko’s hand slapped onto his shoulder, making him jump. “It’s not a problem then,” she said with a bright smile. “Have you talked to him?”

“He doesn’t…he doesn’t want to talk to me!” Yuuri said, hurt.

“Okay, but have _you_  talked to him? Really sat down and talked?”

Yuuri’s silence was answer enough.

“Yuuri, you’re such a sweet person but you can be so stuck in your head sometimes. If you let him know that you want to talk, I’m sure he’ll be ready.”

Yuuko hugged him. After a moment, Yuuri’s arms wound around her. And he wished for the millionth time that he was holding someone else.

-

The night before he was planning to meet Viktor, Yuuri dreamt of him. He didn’t know what they said but they had talked. Viktor had smiled at him. Had forgiven him. Had reached out to cup Yuuri’s face. 

Yuuri tensed. But nothing happened. In the dream, Viktor’s touch had felt warm, fingertips pressing gingerly against his cheek. Like he was made of glass. His eyes were soft as they moved from Yuuri’s gaze, to his lips.

He woke up, heart slamming against his rib cage. He took a cold shower.

-

“I’m sorry.” Yuuri said as soon as he saw Viktor. Viktor removed his mask slowly. He knew it was impossible but Viktor somehow looked…older. Worn out. 

“Come on.” Viktor jerked his head. They walked back to the pond. The water was crystal blue, the moon breaking off into fractured rays. A few spirits played in the fields but as soon as they saw Viktor, they scuttled back into the safety of the woods. It was early enough at night that Yuuri knew his mother wouldn’t be too worried.

“Sit.” Viktor indicated. They laid down beside each other like old times. The sky was dotted with a multitude of stars. Being here in the field, staring at the huge expanse of sky made Yuuri feel utterly small and alone. He heard a rustle and he looked beside him to see Viktor place the mask on his stomach; he looked like he didn't know what to do with his hands. Yuuri's heart clenched. The silence dragged on.

“Viktor,” Yuuri broke the quiet. “I…”

“Wait, I have something to tell you.” Viktor said. His blue eyes were shining. “It…I’m sorry it took so long but…but I’m ready. Will you listen?”

Yuuri clamped his mouth shut and nodded.

“I’ve been alone ever since I can remember,” Viktor said. “Okay, maybe that’s not quite right.

"I had Yurio and Phichit, and Yakov, I suppose. And I was fine with that. They’re like my family but something was missing. I didn’t know what it was though. I wandered the forest every day and night. There were times that I walked, thinking I could walk out of here to find it. I could’ve but I didn’t. I was scared.”

Viktor met Yuuri’s eyes. “I’ve always thought that I couldn’t let anyone close to me. I was too selfish. I wanted to live.”

“You’re wrong,” Yuuri said fiercely. “You’re not selfish. Of course you wanted to live. That’s natural!”

“But I pushed everyone away.” he said. “I wasn’t just alone, Yuuri. I was _lonely_. I couldn’t…I thought having life or love was impossible for me. And it still is.”

Yuuri opened his mouth to argue but the words stopped at the look on Victor’s face. His expression was soft, vulnerable. Yuuri felt like he was looking at Victor when he was young, when he first learned about the conditions of his life.

“And despite it all,” he whispered. “Knowing that it’s impossible for me, I still want it. Life _and_ love. Ever since I met you.”

Yuuri’s eyes filled with tears. He made no move to wipe them, terrified that if he moved one muscle, he wouldn’t be able to stop himself from reaching over and touching Viktor’s face. Stroke soothing words onto his skin. Trace his ‘thank you’ onto the back of his hand. Pull his face closer and—

I can never touch him, Yuuri told himself. Moving achingly slow, he tucked his hands behind his back. He forced himself to turn onto his back and after a few minutes, he felt rather than saw Viktor follow suit. The two looked up in the sky and Yuuri, despite knowing the odds were against him, let himself believe that they were looking at the same star.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you again to all of the kudos and comments on my last two fics!! I hope you like this one!


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